Why start writing?

If you are reading this, you must have already read my quick intro blog piece and saw the painful words in my life recently - PREGNANCY LOSS. I never thought it would happen to me, it was nonexistent in my world. There is so much I can share about this experience but thinking about starting to type makes my chest tight, stomach sick and tears quickly fill my eyes. It is hard to control the emotions when I talk about my baby Othniel, so many have judged the moves we decided to make when we heard those terrible words, “there is no heartbeat.” I do not wish this pain and suffering on anyone.

The moment continues to replay in my head over and over again, some days I can eat just fine but others I cannot think of food at all. It is mind blowing how I was not able to connect the path Papa Dios was leading me to. He truly has been attempting to prepare me for that very moment, the hardest loss of my life! I started looking for help in November 2021 or so. I was super scared because I had moments where I could not breathe, my chest would tighten up, it felt like a heart attack and I could not sleep or concentrate at times.

One cold night, my husband rushed me into the ER because the chest pain was extremely intense! Immediately after arriving at UT Southwestern in Dallas, they connected me to so many cables and rushed me into a room to draw blood and talk about my symptoms. A doctor came in a few hours after and I immediately knew it was not serious, she grabbed a stool, held my hand and said my heart was fine. All the bloodwork was normal, she asked me if there had been any recent changes in my life and immediately - I teared up and said my uncle died in September! My husband could not believe that I was fine, he saw my struggle to breathe and my pain, he wanted them to help me.

The doctor went on to suggest speaking to a psychiatrist or therapist, she asked if I wanted a referral or if I would make sure to find one to speak with soon. Being catholic and mexican, I was not sure how to go home and tell my parents that I was healthy but needed to see a therapist for this. As soon as we got home, I let my family know and they resorted to speaking about my faith and prayer routines. They assured me that God would be the only one to help me through this. Well I decided differently,I needed help sooner than waiting on God - the pain was scary and I started Googling remedies - they all resorted to therapy. I mentioned it at a KDChi meeting and talked about it with a close friend, they held me accountable to find my therapist.

I found her and have been attending sessions since then, so when the ugly words from the ultrasound tech were, “there is no heartbeat,” I sent her a message to help me not KILL MYSELF and help me understand why I lost my baby! After the entire process of clearing my body from my baby remains inside, she immediately booked me for an appointment where we discussed coping strategies through grief kicking my ass. A few were mentioned but I started the journaling piece, writing things out has truly helped me survive this hard time.

You must be wondering but a blog? Well another fact is I enjoy sharing resources with others and helping as much as I can so I found so many blogs that share useful information and that is where the idea for HR mami was born!

I aim to share information with you about human resources tips, motherhood, miscarriage, and faith.