Mental health experience

Attempt to make HR mami comeback, it has been 16 days since I last wrote a post for my blogging space and there are so many reasons for it. I wanted to make sure and share about MENTAL HEALTH, this has been the main obstacle to affect my writing lately.

My pregnancy loss truly broke me in too many forms to be able to explain, it is impossible to know how to even describe any part of it. What I have come to learn from this nightmare is that I AM STRONG! I was already in therapy before due to the loss of my close family members like my grandpa and two very special uncles, but it did not feel necessary just another talking session. As I started therapy previously, more issues began to come up for me, but after losing my pregnancy - it is absolutely important that I do not miss any appointments.

The therapy which I choose to follow is counseling in general, more talking than medication. However, the last 2 weeks have been truly rough for me, we have determined that I am suffering from anxiety and slight depression. I spent a couple of days experiencing strong chest pains that would last 24+ hours, it was scary but I kept pushing. I did not share with anyone until I was forced to. Tik Tok and Google became my doctors, I searched remedies for my symptoms and those included ER visits. Emergency room visits for chest pains with normal EKG and blood work were not taken seriously before, so I refuse to return there and pay hefty bills for no help!

My husband came home late from work one night and found me pressing my chest while crying my eyes out, feeling like I could not breathe, dizziness, and numbness on my feet. Immediately he wanted to call the ambulance but I was able to get words out to share, IT IS ANXIETY!

He tried holding me tight and that did not help, I screamed and cried as much as I could but having to control since we have our toddler who still sleeps with me, I prayed and nothing was working. Then it hit me, the long day of videos on Tik Tok - breathing exercises and stuff, I could not inhale. I remembered one video of a girl who said warmth did not help at all, so she tried cold stuff to shock her system back to normal. Once I could stop crying, it was a chance to share with my husband that I need cold water for my face so he grabbed the biggest container from the kitchen and filled it with ice. (I am working to practice gratitude - I AM GRATEFUL THAT MY FRIDGE MAKES ICE ON DEMAND!!)

We went into the restroom and I dunked my face into the cold water, it was freezing but I could breathe. Similar situation happened one more time and I finally decided to mention it at a therapy session. My therapist recommended a natural multivitamin for two months, along with other tools like journaling which I am working to determine which is the type for me, calming scents and meditation were other items she discussed with me. Not only did I experience anxiety attacks in the last two weeks but Valentine’s Day and my 28th birthday were also at this time. I DID NOT WANT TO CELEBRATE ANYTHING, I lost a part of me or my heart on those December 16- 18th nights!

It has been a nightmare to exist and stay positive, but my family is the best support system to help me survive.

I have then started the multivitamin and we are on Day 3 or so, it feels helpful and brought back some energy.I have started practicing relaxation a bit better with showers, I found a podcast to uplift me and learn with, I bought an audiobook to hear about strong women, and I have been staying busy to focus more on the positive.

One thing that I definitely learned, my pregnancy loss is the hardest thing I have ever gone through and I need to be kind to myself, but continuing learning so much more about me. I discovered that seeing baby things around the house and memories of my pregnancy were causing the triggers that started my worries and chest pain would follow.

And most importantly, I got closer to my faith during this time - I started praying the rosary again and even started a whole novena to find better employment for myself! It is important to prioritize my mental health as I am an HR professional and each day we face making tough decisions with others.

If you are facing a mental health struggle, please find help and do not lose your faith - you are not alone!

Remember that you cannot pour from an empty cup, so it is important to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF and do not give up. As my brother keeps reminding me, “Everything shall pass!” I am working to plan the calendar topics to move forward with this blog, make sure to share what you all would like to read in the future.